Category Archives: Hubby

R.A.N.D.O.M…

Its weird and yet amazing how a pregnant mommy’s thoughts and thinking process can become so jumbled up. Yesterday I had difficulties spelling the word February. O_o and then how come I am listing out my to do list every day and every week but it never seems to end? I have so many blog drafts i dunno which to complete first too.  Haha, and I am super lethargic with low energy levels.

Every morning, in the lift, is like a kaleidoscope of perfumes.. some pleasant yet some too overwhelming for my liking.  If these different smells can linger so long, I bet the owners intention must be to spray enough to last the whole day.. Anyone wonder before if smell can be an invasion of personal space?

Hubby left for Hong Kong yesterday, he told me to send him a list of items i need and he will help me get them..  I jokingly replied “You mean a Prada wallet also can?” And GUESS WHAT? HE really bought me a Prada wallet!!!! ↖(^▽^)↗Y(^_^)Y↖(^▽^)↗

I had slightly painful tummy cramps on off sometimes it gets regular like 10 to 15 minutes apart until I take a rest.. i been telling hubby to help me out whenever he can cos i am so afraid of premature labour..  but many times or rather, I feel he could have sacrifice his personal time to do more for me.. he did help me just I feel he could have done better.  I am THAT Moody and Greedy now.

Last time before we had KD, hubby said once he arrived, we won’t be able to go out so often and travel already. But we did. Kd also went for 10 overseas holidays in a short span of two years. More than we ever did from the time we were born to adolescence years. And then hubby kept telling me that if we ever have two, we won’t be able to travel and go out like that already and that’s one of the reasons why we took so long to ttc a 2nd child.

Recently, hubby kept repeating to me that when 2nd one is born, we won’t even be going out for meals. Likelihood he will tabao home instead blah blah blah..  -_-///  I think he thinks too far. Seriously we will never know what it’s really like until we get there. And i believe every children is different. We will manage as we go along.. 

I love Kd alot. He is still my baby. Forever cute and perfect in my eyes though i shout at him alot now too..  I must remember to tell him next time that, I become a SAHM not because i am carrying his brother.. but because i really love him so much that i want to spend real quality mother and son time with him. That’s the reason why i don’t even think twice about forgoing the 4 months salary for maternity leave.

Thoughts just kept popping up like above…

I am in nesting mode!! 

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Kyle said Ya I know!

In the mornings, if hubby is in Singapore, he will help me to bring KD down to the car and buckle him onto his car seat so i won’t have to carry the heavy KD.

After that, hubby will walk to the train station to go to work while i send KD to his school.

Today, KD was very awake instead of the usual sleepy boy, he waved bye bye and gave flying kisses to his Daddy while we departed.

Me : Do you know where Daddy is going?

KD : Ya!

Me: Where is Daddy going?

KD: Daddy go to eat noodles!

>_<¦¦¦

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On being a SAHM

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Joining the SAHM Net Worth Blog Train, I will also like to share a bit more on being a SAHM, albeit being only a SAHM for not too long as I only started being a full time SAHM on 1 Nov 2012 when my elder child turned exactly 36 months old and I was 3 months preggie with my second child.

In the beginning, a little less than a month into my SAHM days, i already very quickly felt super insecure and wrote about Doubting My SAHM Decision.. After all, the 4 months maternity leave that I am forgo-ing is already worth thousands in the tens.. And I no longer can afford luxuries like travels, shopping, eating out or even changing my car etc. I didn’t quit to become a Tai Tai, my husband’s salary is not high. I quit to be a wife to help my hubby whom found a job he likes but yet needs to travel rather frequently, and to be a mom to look after our children and to nurture them myself.

I guess most of my ex-colleagues will never believe that I will turned a SAHM because I was known to be a outspoken, confident, focused and conscientious sales person doing solution selling in the IT field. My appraisals are always promising with scores belonging in the top 10% contributors of the whole company, not just based on the sales figures I brought in but also because of the contributions I made. My increments year on year also belonged to the higher percentage unlike other colleagues. I was promised career advancements which was shelved when I was pregnant with my elder child at the peak of my career.. Then I did pondered WHY? Cos though I was pregnant, my performance didn’t dropped but in fact I over achieved! I never slowed down and that resulted in me being hospitalized for premature labour pains when KD was 32 weeks in my womb. That was the first wake up call for me. A slap in my face.

The second wake up call was after the maternity leave and when I went back to work. I had a rude shock from fellow colleagues as well as from the superiors. Somehow all the things people said or do, hinted to me that since I have become a mom at age 27, I am no longer competitive, no longer valued. New and inexperienced colleagues were actually challenging me (considered experienced and with proven track record lah) openly!! i absolutely HATE that feeling and times! I remembered when the sex for bribery cases emerged, I was joking with hubby that who knows, if I continues in the same industry and is 40+, married with children and with a lot liabilities unpaid, I may be forced to do the same too cos of the demanding requirements set up typical IT companies??? Not that i agree with what was happening, but i empathise with the women..

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Gists is… The working society on the whole does discriminate against working moms. I have heard and seen many jobs for example air stewardess, sales lines or even teachers facing the same problems! Teachers as civil servants in the government sectors helping Singapore to groom future leaders for goodness sake! That really surprised and shocked me! I heard from my married female teachers friends that they faced similar kind of penalisation in terms of work grading, promotions, increment on top of superiors’ and colleagues changed attitudes, after they have given birth and returned to work. Not forgetting, when a mom takes urgent child care leaves, the questions asked are “Why is your child so weak?”, “There is something wrong with your child you know? He shouldn’t be falling sick so often?” and etc.. The very people whom asked me theses questions were my superiors and parents themselves.. secretly i do cursed them!!

The working society also cannot tolerate breastfeeding moms too! Though the MOH and worldwide healthcare strongly recommended exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months, our government didn’t encourage companies to set up a breastfeeding room. Very few government offices have breastfeeding rooms too. Why?? Because our country is so focused on GDP and profits.. Going to pump milk in between office hours is intolerable BUT smoking and crapping during office hours is ok… What logic is that?!?

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The government talks repeatedly about attracting moms back to work. I wonder if they ever ponder over why we left work in the first place?

I remembered when KD was in the infant care and the school fees was SGD1500 before subsidy, then the government announced that they raised the subsidy to SGD600, the infant care also raised their school fees to SGD1650!! All because the landlord immediately raised the rental too!

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The government encourages us to have more babies as well as encourages moms to continue working. Did they try to work out the sums? Housing and other expenses aside, for example now i have two and i placed them in childcares when I returned to work, my elder school fees will be SGD680 and youngest in infantcare will be SGD980 after subsidies, that is the price for a mid range childcare near rural work places… If i have three and assuming the two elder ones in childcare and youngest in infantcare, it will then be SGD680 + SGD680 + SGD980 a month!! What about if i want to have 4 kids?! Why can’t the same amount of subsidy be open towards letting us to give to a caregiver such as the children’s grandparents or nanny instead? Why can it only be claimed by the childcare centres themselves?

I remembered watching “Conversations with the Prime Minister” and questions were raised about the costs of childcare as well as difficulties in finding caregivers. Mr Lee asked why can’t the mothers consider taking a few years off work to look after and nurture the children herself? He mentioned that one can’t be chasing the best of both worlds – $$ and children and there is a limitation on how far a government can help. Well, it did stuck a chord in me and that’s exactly what we are doing now. Make do with lesser $ and bond with our children, because it’s our responsibilities to raise up our children well, not the government.

On what type of help that I as a SAHM would wish to see, I hope that for the creation and availability of more home based jobs like example during my mother’s time, she is able to work at home to earn a little income to supplement while looking after us! I remembered she did clothes packaging, sewing or some simple products packaging at home.. but alas, theses industry are no long available in Singapore and many women now have lost the ability to know how to sew, tailor or even cook! Now, it’s really not easy for me to find any jobs to work at home cos i do not know accounting, i can’t design too.. It will be good if the Government can spot some opportunities and provide trainings to us SAHMs that we can work freelance, part time or from home to supplement the family’s income as well as to help the countries’ economy… They can consider SAHMs instead of foreign workers.. maybe SAHMs can be trained to teach in the preschools in Singapore for 2 to 4 hours a day instead of employing foreigners? Many of the SAHM have high qualifications, the government should know.

I also hope to see the Preschool Education in Singapore becomes free for citizens just like primary and secondary schools, so all schools will become standardised and costs balanced. With that, it’s easier to train the manpower as well as set up new school to meet the shortage.

Lastly, every child born to a working mom can have a cash subsidy of SGD600 every month pay out to the family directly instead of to the childcare centre. The mom can decide and choose to either use it to help supplement a domestic helper, or give to the grandparents or nanny, to help look after her child. I think this way, a mom will be happy to continue working and giving birth to as many as 4 children and the grandma will be happy to quit her job to help look after 4 grandchildren with SGD2400 and sending the elder ones to preschool and fetching them for us! Why will we made our parents quit their current job if they can earn more $$ than what we can afford to give to them to look after our children?

Hubby and I are one of the families hoping to have four children. But we aren’t sure how to achieve it with both of us working (how are we going to pay the childcare costs), or with only one of us working because the costs of living is simply too high. Imagine, how a mom brings 4 children out on the public transport system? The fares are high too. And how to buy a bigger car now? Will the government consider giving out free child seats to every new borns too? Since it’s mandatory for children below the height of 1.35m to be subjected to the seatbelts rules even in a friend’s or relative’s car?

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Enough on the ramblings… a little reflection on my SAHM days for the past few months.

My son KD, now will probably not remember my power suits dressings on every week days when I dropped him off at the infantcare and subsequently in the childcare centres.

To him, I am not a sales person entertaining him, I am not a staff to his bidding. He sees me as his very important mom, friend, imitates after me and depended a lot on me.. Breastfeeding him for 18 months also made him very close to me. To him, i am beautiful with or without make up, fat or thin, tall or short, dark or fair.. rich or poor…

I wrote a blog on What My Child Needs.. what i did not write about was what were the negative reactions i got when i told people including strangers or acquaintances I am a SAHM now.. What turns me off most was the reaction of some family members like, as if i had turned into a fat worm that lazed around all day and leeched my hubby dry.. Please! i was the one supporting my hubby mentally, emotionally and physically, when he took a one year break to venture into the property market! What’s a family about if spouses do not support each other? In fact it was my hubby whom encouraged me to quit my job too!

I was also start to be told to run errands which i am like huh?! I didn’t become a Still-Staying-with-My-In-laws’-Home-Mother to become another domestic helper. Other than caring for the basic needs for my son, i do countless learning activities and bring him out for meaningful excursions with him daily which family members criticise too! End of the day, i told myself.. I am doing it for my hubby and my children. I set my own priorities and my own happiness. It’s obvious, my son and hubby had become happier and less stressed too.

I strongly believe that when the mom is present and very involved during the children’s growing years, the child will grow up to be a fine teenager and decent smart adult.

Till now, though it’s not an easy and is a very tiring role.. i still want to remain a SAHM.

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p/s: All images in this blog post are sourced from the world wide web to emphasis the points across more vividly. If you are the owner of the images, please kindly inform me if it infringed your copyrights and i will remove them immediately.

An Unofficial Maternity Photo Shoot

On 23 Dec 2012, instead of the usual three of us (me, hubby and KD), we went for a big family photo shoot with Lumiere Photography, with my parents and sister. I was only 22 weeks pregnant then and never expected the photographer to include some really nice maternity shots in between the whole photo shoot duration! And ya, the tummy was already showing then and probably it’s because it’s 2nd pregnancy that it was bigger than i was 22 weeks pregnant with KD..

So, initially i still wanted to go for a proper and nice maternity photo shoot when i am in my 30+ weeks (which is like now already…)… because the tummy will be huge and beautiful.. but i doubt the rest of me looks beautiful cos i am very bloated every where with limited clothes to wear now… do you think i should still spend that kinda money when i have theses very beautiful pictures already? Sigh.. in dilema over whether should i go for a maternity photo shoot now…

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i will be tired too

Is “tired” the correct word to describe this feeling? or maybe “exhausted” is the correct word.

i had to wake early and accompany the boy to his orientation at nursery and couldn’t leave as the boy is like a koala bear clinging on to me. i had to go through the emotional burden of watching the boy cries and cries for his mommy but harden myself to not feel too much about it. after his class, i had to take all his nonsense and frustrations, as a result from his stress in his new environment. Crying, screaming, rejecting food, jumping on me and kicking & beating me. meal times are struggles because he refuses to eat more than 5 spoonfuls now. other than that, i bathe him twice a day, tried to continue with some activities with him and in layman sentence, be his slave. I also bring him out in the afternoon to places he would like to go to compensate him for the stresses he been thru in the new environment in the morning.. all when i am already 25 weeks plus pregnant. my body is very tired and aching every where now.

During the weekends i asked hubby to carry KD instead cos i can’t carry him but he complained to me that after carrying awhile he is having backaches for days now! -_-“” I kept telling him ya, he is a normal healthy strong man and he already had backaches, i dont even need to carry anything i already have backaches already… Yesterday, i asked hubby for help to change the bedsheets but he didn’t reply if ok and he was home late. so i changed it myself cos What For i Wait? i also asked hubby’s help to bathe KD in the evening, he said ok but he was home late, so i bathe him myself cos What For i Wait again especially when KD pooed? This morning, we are running late and hubby asked me to wait for him he will help me bring KD and bags down to the car together, but he was still not ready and we are running late, so why should i wait again? Yesterday night i was so exhausted i asked him to please put on the pants for KD while i go to bed first… this morning i woke up with KD not wearing any pants and sleeping like that throughout the night in the air conditioned room… No, KD won’t die because of that.. But i am super ANGRY and DISAPPOINTED! I would love to have someone to fall back on too! I would love to get help from the hubby and feel doted on too! I will definitely need someone STRONGER than that i presume?

I always feel that people will take the self-initiatives for the people they love. Don’t use work as an excuse, everyone had to work and i can go back to work anytime too… I can wake up earlier than my hubby and sleeps later than him too. It’s about making sacrifices and a commitment. Do you agree? There are many ways to help make each other’s life better too.

I don’t like staying with my in laws because i realised that everyone in this household has LOTSA excuses for everything.. And they love denying that they are at fault and thus they wouldn’t learn and keep repeating the same mistakes again and again.. and of cos, with that, how can i blame my hubby who is brought up like that? i only wish to make it right for my son so that he won’t turn out like them. I don’t think it’s tough being a SAHM. It’s only tough when one is a SAHM and still staying with the in laws and facing their very difficult domestic helper with an attitude. There are simply too much stuffs on the plate. Everything becomes my problem just because i am not working??

And if i work, i can bring home a lot of doughs… just that i needed someone to look after my children to allow me to be able to focus on work. but alas, there is no such person i can trust or rely on at all.

i am just super emo now, pregnancy hormones at work. *pout*