Tag Archives: SAHM

My Biggest Fan

When Hubby and I were dating, he loves taking photos of me. And so, every time we went out on our dates, there will surely be lots of photos of me eating, posing, talking, sipping a coffee, reading a book, playing the PSP etc etc. He made me feel like i am a gem in his eyes. Haha.

However, he stopped taking any pictures of me like 3 to 4 months after our wedding, when we both found out i was pregnant with KD.. You can imagine how ugly i had turned that i really dont have any photos from that pregnancy, with only one exception photo that i forced him to help me take while i was standing outside the delivery suites in TMC waiting for a room to delivery KD. I was not just bloated and my small butts gave way to big hips.. i had like at least 20 pimples or acne on my face anytime! 😦

Anyway, i am still grateful for the many photos taken of me when i was young, very slim and pretty. That i can show to my children how Hot mama was last time. *LOLx*

Anyway, only when KD was born, I have my biggest fan in my lifetime.. bigger than anyone in my life – my parents or siblings included. My son is my biggest fan!! Hmmm… i would say it’s pretty obvious, ask him who he loves or prefers most, IT WILL BE ME! hahaha. I am the most important person in his life, as of now still is.

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A blink of an eye and he is going to be 3.5 years old now and yet, he still cries for Mama every time, some times, he is so exaggerating that made people rolled their eyes… I am not complaining! I am just indulging in this sweetness while it lasts. 🙂

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Something i must remember from the conversation i had when I went to pick KD from school today,

Me:  Did you cry in school today?

KD: Ya!

Me: Oh! Why did you cry?

KD: Of cos! Mama, Of Cos!! I love mommy…

My heart, body, soul etc all just totally melted on the spot and is still melting now!

i love you this much

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A Child’s First Puzzle: Circle Tangram

Sharing another great buy that i bought for KD long ago! I think it’s still available at the Popular Bookstore now. I bought it at SGD9.90 before my Popular Card Member discount. 🙂

On the surface, this Circle Tangram looks like a book, however it’s actually a puzzle set!

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It comes with 7 blocks in different colors and shape and with them, the player can put together to create endless possibilities of things that he can imagine – a cat, a tortoise, a fish and many more!

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There are more than 30 ready templates with the outer outlines, for a child to fill in the shapes to form the pictures. Theses templates are also rated with their difficulties level so in the beginning, you can start off with easy puzzles until you get the hang of it. Of cos there is also an “answer sheet” which you can refer to if you couldn’t manage to fill in puzzle in.

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So it’s always the case, when i purchased this, KD just turned two years old and he wasn’t interested as well as couldn’t grasp the concept of the puzzle yet. I was also a FTWM and with little time i have in evenings or weekends, I some times used it to teach him about the different colors and shapes, as well as showed him how we can put them together to form different images. He wasn’t keen, so it’s was always a very fast activity basically of me “demonstrating”, or him taking it out just to play with the wooden blocks.

During the past 4 months of me being an At Home Mom, i did try to do this activity with him but I couldn’t last more than 5 minutes each time.. KD is a boy that i need to do everything very fast and multiple activities in one session just to engage him and make him seat down for that 15 to 20 mins a day!

Last week, he took it out on his own again, but this time round, i am amazed because i didn’t need to ask him to do anything! I was just sitting opposite him and observing him (including busy snapping pictures lah!). He opened up the puzzle, took out all the blocks and placed them aside, flipped to a page he likes and started talking to himself like “What’s this? Let’s see… This one goes to here, this one goes here” etc etc.. AND he actually completed 3 puzzles on his own! I took a peep, the puzzles he selected were with difficulty level 1, 3 and 5!! WOAH!

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I realised that it’s always easier to teach and play with a child when he is interested. Usually he has such short attention span so i always thought i am struggling with engaging him. >.< I always wondered if being a SAHM is suitable for me or he will do better off in childcare because maybe the teachers can engaged him better? The above random display of my son once again made me feel that my past four months of being a SAHM, all those frustrations when it comes to having a schedule with him and engaging him in activities with me… PAID OFF. 🙂 🙂 🙂

I strongly believe now that depending on your child’s character, some children like mine, will always appear to be uninterested, not keen and inpatient.. What’s important is for parents NOT TO GIVE UP and continue to have patience. I think this is something only the child’s real parents can give whole-heartedly. Not the grandparents or teachers whom are paid to do the job.. If you can’t have patience for your own child, who else will have? I feel so happy i can dance on my toes (opps i can’t! Too heavy with my almost 9 months tummy now..)

Lastly, of cos a smile broke on my face when he also kept the puzzles back properly after he is done with it. 🙂 My Good Boy!

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On being a SAHM

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Joining the SAHM Net Worth Blog Train, I will also like to share a bit more on being a SAHM, albeit being only a SAHM for not too long as I only started being a full time SAHM on 1 Nov 2012 when my elder child turned exactly 36 months old and I was 3 months preggie with my second child.

In the beginning, a little less than a month into my SAHM days, i already very quickly felt super insecure and wrote about Doubting My SAHM Decision.. After all, the 4 months maternity leave that I am forgo-ing is already worth thousands in the tens.. And I no longer can afford luxuries like travels, shopping, eating out or even changing my car etc. I didn’t quit to become a Tai Tai, my husband’s salary is not high. I quit to be a wife to help my hubby whom found a job he likes but yet needs to travel rather frequently, and to be a mom to look after our children and to nurture them myself.

I guess most of my ex-colleagues will never believe that I will turned a SAHM because I was known to be a outspoken, confident, focused and conscientious sales person doing solution selling in the IT field. My appraisals are always promising with scores belonging in the top 10% contributors of the whole company, not just based on the sales figures I brought in but also because of the contributions I made. My increments year on year also belonged to the higher percentage unlike other colleagues. I was promised career advancements which was shelved when I was pregnant with my elder child at the peak of my career.. Then I did pondered WHY? Cos though I was pregnant, my performance didn’t dropped but in fact I over achieved! I never slowed down and that resulted in me being hospitalized for premature labour pains when KD was 32 weeks in my womb. That was the first wake up call for me. A slap in my face.

The second wake up call was after the maternity leave and when I went back to work. I had a rude shock from fellow colleagues as well as from the superiors. Somehow all the things people said or do, hinted to me that since I have become a mom at age 27, I am no longer competitive, no longer valued. New and inexperienced colleagues were actually challenging me (considered experienced and with proven track record lah) openly!! i absolutely HATE that feeling and times! I remembered when the sex for bribery cases emerged, I was joking with hubby that who knows, if I continues in the same industry and is 40+, married with children and with a lot liabilities unpaid, I may be forced to do the same too cos of the demanding requirements set up typical IT companies??? Not that i agree with what was happening, but i empathise with the women..

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Gists is… The working society on the whole does discriminate against working moms. I have heard and seen many jobs for example air stewardess, sales lines or even teachers facing the same problems! Teachers as civil servants in the government sectors helping Singapore to groom future leaders for goodness sake! That really surprised and shocked me! I heard from my married female teachers friends that they faced similar kind of penalisation in terms of work grading, promotions, increment on top of superiors’ and colleagues changed attitudes, after they have given birth and returned to work. Not forgetting, when a mom takes urgent child care leaves, the questions asked are “Why is your child so weak?”, “There is something wrong with your child you know? He shouldn’t be falling sick so often?” and etc.. The very people whom asked me theses questions were my superiors and parents themselves.. secretly i do cursed them!!

The working society also cannot tolerate breastfeeding moms too! Though the MOH and worldwide healthcare strongly recommended exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months, our government didn’t encourage companies to set up a breastfeeding room. Very few government offices have breastfeeding rooms too. Why?? Because our country is so focused on GDP and profits.. Going to pump milk in between office hours is intolerable BUT smoking and crapping during office hours is ok… What logic is that?!?

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The government talks repeatedly about attracting moms back to work. I wonder if they ever ponder over why we left work in the first place?

I remembered when KD was in the infant care and the school fees was SGD1500 before subsidy, then the government announced that they raised the subsidy to SGD600, the infant care also raised their school fees to SGD1650!! All because the landlord immediately raised the rental too!

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The government encourages us to have more babies as well as encourages moms to continue working. Did they try to work out the sums? Housing and other expenses aside, for example now i have two and i placed them in childcares when I returned to work, my elder school fees will be SGD680 and youngest in infantcare will be SGD980 after subsidies, that is the price for a mid range childcare near rural work places… If i have three and assuming the two elder ones in childcare and youngest in infantcare, it will then be SGD680 + SGD680 + SGD980 a month!! What about if i want to have 4 kids?! Why can’t the same amount of subsidy be open towards letting us to give to a caregiver such as the children’s grandparents or nanny instead? Why can it only be claimed by the childcare centres themselves?

I remembered watching “Conversations with the Prime Minister” and questions were raised about the costs of childcare as well as difficulties in finding caregivers. Mr Lee asked why can’t the mothers consider taking a few years off work to look after and nurture the children herself? He mentioned that one can’t be chasing the best of both worlds – $$ and children and there is a limitation on how far a government can help. Well, it did stuck a chord in me and that’s exactly what we are doing now. Make do with lesser $ and bond with our children, because it’s our responsibilities to raise up our children well, not the government.

On what type of help that I as a SAHM would wish to see, I hope that for the creation and availability of more home based jobs like example during my mother’s time, she is able to work at home to earn a little income to supplement while looking after us! I remembered she did clothes packaging, sewing or some simple products packaging at home.. but alas, theses industry are no long available in Singapore and many women now have lost the ability to know how to sew, tailor or even cook! Now, it’s really not easy for me to find any jobs to work at home cos i do not know accounting, i can’t design too.. It will be good if the Government can spot some opportunities and provide trainings to us SAHMs that we can work freelance, part time or from home to supplement the family’s income as well as to help the countries’ economy… They can consider SAHMs instead of foreign workers.. maybe SAHMs can be trained to teach in the preschools in Singapore for 2 to 4 hours a day instead of employing foreigners? Many of the SAHM have high qualifications, the government should know.

I also hope to see the Preschool Education in Singapore becomes free for citizens just like primary and secondary schools, so all schools will become standardised and costs balanced. With that, it’s easier to train the manpower as well as set up new school to meet the shortage.

Lastly, every child born to a working mom can have a cash subsidy of SGD600 every month pay out to the family directly instead of to the childcare centre. The mom can decide and choose to either use it to help supplement a domestic helper, or give to the grandparents or nanny, to help look after her child. I think this way, a mom will be happy to continue working and giving birth to as many as 4 children and the grandma will be happy to quit her job to help look after 4 grandchildren with SGD2400 and sending the elder ones to preschool and fetching them for us! Why will we made our parents quit their current job if they can earn more $$ than what we can afford to give to them to look after our children?

Hubby and I are one of the families hoping to have four children. But we aren’t sure how to achieve it with both of us working (how are we going to pay the childcare costs), or with only one of us working because the costs of living is simply too high. Imagine, how a mom brings 4 children out on the public transport system? The fares are high too. And how to buy a bigger car now? Will the government consider giving out free child seats to every new borns too? Since it’s mandatory for children below the height of 1.35m to be subjected to the seatbelts rules even in a friend’s or relative’s car?

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Enough on the ramblings… a little reflection on my SAHM days for the past few months.

My son KD, now will probably not remember my power suits dressings on every week days when I dropped him off at the infantcare and subsequently in the childcare centres.

To him, I am not a sales person entertaining him, I am not a staff to his bidding. He sees me as his very important mom, friend, imitates after me and depended a lot on me.. Breastfeeding him for 18 months also made him very close to me. To him, i am beautiful with or without make up, fat or thin, tall or short, dark or fair.. rich or poor…

I wrote a blog on What My Child Needs.. what i did not write about was what were the negative reactions i got when i told people including strangers or acquaintances I am a SAHM now.. What turns me off most was the reaction of some family members like, as if i had turned into a fat worm that lazed around all day and leeched my hubby dry.. Please! i was the one supporting my hubby mentally, emotionally and physically, when he took a one year break to venture into the property market! What’s a family about if spouses do not support each other? In fact it was my hubby whom encouraged me to quit my job too!

I was also start to be told to run errands which i am like huh?! I didn’t become a Still-Staying-with-My-In-laws’-Home-Mother to become another domestic helper. Other than caring for the basic needs for my son, i do countless learning activities and bring him out for meaningful excursions with him daily which family members criticise too! End of the day, i told myself.. I am doing it for my hubby and my children. I set my own priorities and my own happiness. It’s obvious, my son and hubby had become happier and less stressed too.

I strongly believe that when the mom is present and very involved during the children’s growing years, the child will grow up to be a fine teenager and decent smart adult.

Till now, though it’s not an easy and is a very tiring role.. i still want to remain a SAHM.

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p/s: All images in this blog post are sourced from the world wide web to emphasis the points across more vividly. If you are the owner of the images, please kindly inform me if it infringed your copyrights and i will remove them immediately.

Peek-a-poo

I left with the struggling KD crying at the door of his class today. It’s for his own good. Three hours later, I returned to pick him up and was peeping in to see what he’s doing.

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The happy boy was very happy that the class is ending and teachers are asking them to put on their shoes.

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He spotted me and shouted so loud that everyone outside can hear YIPPEE!! MY MOMMY IS HERE! YIPPEE!

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He is so going to run out immediately and when teacher stopped him, he burst ouy crying again that he wants his mommy!

Lol! The school and other parents thought that I took care of KD since he’s young thus he is so attached to me. They were stunned when i said no, he was in infantcare and childcare since young. I think the strong attachment could be due to:

1) I am pregnant now and he’s insecure
2) I breastfeed him for 18 months
3) I did a really good job as a sahm for the past 2 months that he thoroughly enjoyed being with me
4) My efforts to bond with him since he is born paid off

Anyway, I gave him a present today. Something I bought long ago and wrapped up again. It’s to “reward” him for surviving this week. 🙂

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Wah! He said its a present from santa claus due to the wrapping paper. He was so excited

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Open opening opened quick!

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LOLx! Its more playdoh colours!

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Squeezing the playdoh to make..

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Noodles for Cookie Monster!

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So much fun!

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We made more food for Cookie Monster today!

Patience is what a child & parent need

School for KD has been as usual but he has improved today, 15 minutes before the dismissal then he started crying so loud that everyone outside can hear.  Moments later, the principal opened the door and allowed him out. So far he has been having the special privilege of being the first to go home.. the moment he is outside the classroom, he is all smiley already though there were leftover tears on his face. -_-” Principal said that he cried on off after I left.  :p

For the past few days KD had been refusing his lunch.  It always end up with him crying and me in anger. I told myself that I can’t be beating or screaming back at him every day. So today, I tried a new approach instead of bargaining with him to finish his food then I give him whatever he wants. I brought him home immediately after class and started on activities prior to lunch! Activities that he will love and enjoy!

We did so much today! Playdoh, finger printing, painting,  and a brand new activity!

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Playing with Cookie Monster Playdoh

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We knead, we roll and we mould! Feed them to Cookie Monster!

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cut out shapes that we made

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He loves painting very much!

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And i really love watching him paint… so charming! LOLx

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So focus and concentrating on painting

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Ok, we actually did finger printing together first but it was too messy to take the pictures…

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His finished artwork! LOLx

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I kanna summoned yesterday! So i was inspired to recycle the coupon paper waste for “revenge”! Sigh my $$$~~~

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Asking him to tear out for me.. it’s not easy ok.. this is very good for finger exercises

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Tore by KD

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“Trimmed” by me

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Tadah! With the help of glue stick, we made this! It’s fun but not easy for both the small and big hands! really finger play!

And guess what? When we had lunch one hour later,  he finished his own bowl of rice plus a chocolate bread! All on his own, without needing me to nag or battle with him at all! ❤ <3!

i will be tired too

Is “tired” the correct word to describe this feeling? or maybe “exhausted” is the correct word.

i had to wake early and accompany the boy to his orientation at nursery and couldn’t leave as the boy is like a koala bear clinging on to me. i had to go through the emotional burden of watching the boy cries and cries for his mommy but harden myself to not feel too much about it. after his class, i had to take all his nonsense and frustrations, as a result from his stress in his new environment. Crying, screaming, rejecting food, jumping on me and kicking & beating me. meal times are struggles because he refuses to eat more than 5 spoonfuls now. other than that, i bathe him twice a day, tried to continue with some activities with him and in layman sentence, be his slave. I also bring him out in the afternoon to places he would like to go to compensate him for the stresses he been thru in the new environment in the morning.. all when i am already 25 weeks plus pregnant. my body is very tired and aching every where now.

During the weekends i asked hubby to carry KD instead cos i can’t carry him but he complained to me that after carrying awhile he is having backaches for days now! -_-“” I kept telling him ya, he is a normal healthy strong man and he already had backaches, i dont even need to carry anything i already have backaches already… Yesterday, i asked hubby for help to change the bedsheets but he didn’t reply if ok and he was home late. so i changed it myself cos What For i Wait? i also asked hubby’s help to bathe KD in the evening, he said ok but he was home late, so i bathe him myself cos What For i Wait again especially when KD pooed? This morning, we are running late and hubby asked me to wait for him he will help me bring KD and bags down to the car together, but he was still not ready and we are running late, so why should i wait again? Yesterday night i was so exhausted i asked him to please put on the pants for KD while i go to bed first… this morning i woke up with KD not wearing any pants and sleeping like that throughout the night in the air conditioned room… No, KD won’t die because of that.. But i am super ANGRY and DISAPPOINTED! I would love to have someone to fall back on too! I would love to get help from the hubby and feel doted on too! I will definitely need someone STRONGER than that i presume?

I always feel that people will take the self-initiatives for the people they love. Don’t use work as an excuse, everyone had to work and i can go back to work anytime too… I can wake up earlier than my hubby and sleeps later than him too. It’s about making sacrifices and a commitment. Do you agree? There are many ways to help make each other’s life better too.

I don’t like staying with my in laws because i realised that everyone in this household has LOTSA excuses for everything.. And they love denying that they are at fault and thus they wouldn’t learn and keep repeating the same mistakes again and again.. and of cos, with that, how can i blame my hubby who is brought up like that? i only wish to make it right for my son so that he won’t turn out like them. I don’t think it’s tough being a SAHM. It’s only tough when one is a SAHM and still staying with the in laws and facing their very difficult domestic helper with an attitude. There are simply too much stuffs on the plate. Everything becomes my problem just because i am not working??

And if i work, i can bring home a lot of doughs… just that i needed someone to look after my children to allow me to be able to focus on work. but alas, there is no such person i can trust or rely on at all.

i am just super emo now, pregnancy hormones at work. *pout*

What my child needs

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Three days ago

On Tuesday night at about 11pm, KD asked me “Mommy, where is daddy?”

I replied him that daddy was working and he will be coming home later. If KD was not tired, he can wait for daddy to come home, but KD fell asleep and hubby got home after 12am.

The next day, KD woken by himself at 730am and first thing he said was “Mommy! Where did daddy go?” I replied him “Oh! Daddy should be having his breakfast in the kitchen now, you want to go look for him?” To which, of course KD wanted and off we went into the kitchen but to our surprise, Daddy had already left for work because he had got some stuffs to clear before he flies off to india in the same day afternoon for work too!

KD was a angry and little upset, so I had to call Daddy and allowed KD to talk to him. We then went to meet his daddy for lunch and came home together so that his daddy can collect his luggage before going off to the airport. The Daddy also took the initiative to bath KD himself before he left, as bonding time to make up for not being able to see him whole of yesterday.

Today

Hubby is due to arrive singapore only tomorrow morning so KD will spend 4 nights without seeing his daddy.. And his daddy has been working late and traveling for work quite frequently too.

People always want to know, Why had i become a Stay At Home Mommy and Why Now only after my child turns three? I also received more negative reactions than positive ones.. Which made me ponder, why?

The above scenario is one of the reasons why I had to quit my job so I can spend more time with our child. A three years old is aware and able to understand, he also needs his parents to be around too.

How are we suppose to cope if his dad has to travel so often and the mother has to work and he is in child care? The mad rush to send him to child care then to work and then back home to fetch him again is really very draining for everyone. The child wants to be with his parents so why should we deprive him of that after giving birth to him? Both me and hubby feel the same, that’s why we were such hands on parents! If we were to have children than pass them to grandparents or maids to look after, why bother to give birth in the first place? That’s just us. 🙂

I can choose to forgo growing my savings, going for holidays, changing cars, buying bags etc.. Because both me and hubby feels that the growing child needs his parents to be around and since one of our work schedule has changed so drastically, one had to be around. If you ask me if this is a sacrifice i made? i wouldn’t think so too. cos i gain a lot taking care of KD full time myself too. Yes, it’s tedious.. it’s more tiring than work.. i get judged all the time too and worst i don’t get to spurge on myself anymore.. BUT the joy, satisfaction and bond are a lot stronger.. and hubby gets to concentrate on his work while i take care of home. No, I don’t become useless just because i am not working. I think i am doing a great job now, regardless of what you think.. cos the person that is important and matters in this equation is me, KD and hubby and we three are totally happy with the arrangement now.

“I really like my life. I’ve arranged my life so that I can do what I want. ” – Warren Buffett